Hey you! Yeah you in International Falls and Fort Frances. The best time for sun salutations is before the sun is up. Call 'em moon salutations if you like. For those of you on your morning commute (those of you texting and browsing while driving), I just checked on flights from International Falls to Fort Frances. And you wanna know the funny thing? They're cheaper than paying the bridge toll! Now you know.
Get outside, take a few lungfulls of that balmy 40 degree air. You can taste what a great day it's gonna be. Wow. If I sound a little excited, well, I just drank 4 k-cups of Caribou Coffee Sumatran. I love my Keurig Mini. It's like my own personal joy dispenser. If that sounds pavlovian, you're right.
Another reason for my fantastic mood is that Vishnu, my 93 LeBaron, has found a new home. More later. I gotta run around the block a couple of times. Wow.
Just what exactly are you thinking Dallas? Did you think I wouldn't find out about this? I have friends you know. As it clearly states in the contract (and don't tell me again that reading all that legal gobbledeeguk gives you a headache), you are not allowed to sell any more of our joint property without my prior written consent. And you know darn well that Vishnu is not only joint property but symbolizes all that was ever good between us. And you think you're just gonna sell Vish--just like that?! So when Malmo asks us about the circumstances surrounding his creation you're just gonna leave out the beautiful 8 or 9 seconds in the front seat of that car? Fine. I was tolerant when you sold Shiva, the only snow machine I ever truly loved, or when you traded away all of our accumulated time share points in the IceArmor ice fishing shelter because you wanted a stupid set of spill-proof water bottles, but now you have gone too far. And if you have already sold Vishnu, keep in mind that I get half the money. It's in the contract.
ReplyDelete--Diva
(Also DBA: Diva Beauty Supply LP, Diva Fever Dance Studios Inc., Diva Motorcoach Tours, Diva Cheever Dream Weaver)
Jesus Maureen (for the last time, I'm not calling you "Diva"),
ReplyDeleteIn case you didn't notice, this is the "Cheever Yoga" blog. It's not a marital abuse forum. If you have a problem, go thru channels. See your lawyer (have you found one that doesn't knuckle-walk yet?), and have him or her contact my lawyer.
Much later, Dallas
Oh, and as 411 for your atrophied cerebrum, you may happily think you've ruined my good mood with your mace-like voice (yeah, I can still hear it), but two k-cups later I've already reforgotten all about you.
ReplyDeleteOne more thing.
ReplyDeleteI still have and use those spill-proof bottles. They're unlike you in every way, thank Brahma.
Yes, I did notice that this is the "Cheever Yoga" blog and as such I will contribute to it until you sign the papers (and for the third time you must sign with a pen--not in crayon or in blood or with canine fecal matter).
ReplyDeleteThis is also the last time I will warn you to stop slandering my attorney. You know darn well that my lawyer, Pat, will remain both a him and a her until the operations have been entirely successful at which time the abundance of body hair and spinal issues will be addressed. After all, you were the one who highly recommended the procedure in the hope that it would add another dimension to your cousin's Dairy Queen business.
Yours forever (or until you sign--whichever comes first),
Jesus Maureen
Have I not made it clear on the numerous near assault attempts you've made on me, that I'm not signing anything. If you want finality, I know a nice bridge from which you can leap. But I know you'll never use it, since you'd have to pay a paper company. Do you see the irony?
ReplyDeleteAre you seriously still using Pat as your lawyer? His/her (I forget which came first now) brain was a disaster of mass extinction proportions before all the drugs. You'd get better advice from a drunken mime. And I just happen to know one.
I see the irony and I'd like to beat you to a pulp. Do you see the pun?
ReplyDeleteYou know that Pat is my lawyer because he/she (he first) was the only attorney listed on the IF mandatory community services pages who would barter "identity correction" surgery for legal fees. That was your idea as you might recall.
When did your sister return to town? Her slurred performance art has always given me a headache. As has her advice. I'm sure you know what I'm referring to.
There was a big misunderstanding. I never said "Dairy Queen" when referring to Pat. I said Fairy Queen. That whole marketing idea that my cousin paid $5000 for was your idea. It mighta worked...in San Francisco. There's where your fine tuned sense of geography paid off in spades...not. I still remember the horrified looks as parents covered their children's ears while Pat danced around in a white David Bowie outfit singing "Make an oreo sundae out of me boys."
ReplyDeleteNever been able to go near a Dairy Queen since.
You never understood performance art. I'm sure you know what I'm referring to.